Sex and Relationships

Sexual Dysfunction

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Answers to questions about sex therapy and sexuality
ASK THE SEX DOC Questions about Oral Sex

8/6/98 OK, OK, The sexdoc's comments on how to give a good blowjob
I love to receive oral sex but I don't think it tastes that good (and it sure doesn't smell good)
My girlfriend refuses to perform oral sex on me!
How safe is oral/anal contact?

How to give a good blowjob
8/6/98 In response to many requests, here are a few comments on giving a penis some mouth contact:
Just like some women have strong feelings about how their breasts are stimulated, some men like their blowjobs a certain way. Because there is no "standard protocol", I suggest starting with the following: using your hand around the base, squeezing and moving the penile skin up and down; taking the head and as much of the shaft you can into your mouth; use your tongue to rub around, and gently into, the slit of the urethra; be sensitive that if you do breathe through your mouth that the evaporation of saliva will cool the penis (VERY counterproductive); do not feel deficient if you can't "deep throat"; do not swallow the ejaculate unless you personally want to; and don't get a dental exam as by a dentist or a dental hygienist, for three days after you give head (if it's vigorous, you'll have petechiae -- tiny broken blood vessels, like a drunk's nose -- at the back of your throat in a particular pattern); and MOST IMPORTANTLY: Tell your lover that you will do it again ONLY if he gives you precise feedback on what feels better, either during the next one or now (after the one you just gave him).

Taste and Smell
Q:  I love to receive oral sex but I don't think it tastes that good down there (and it sure doesn't smell good). It's really embarrassing. Is there anything I can do to make it more pleasing? (female inquirer)
A: Different people smell and taste better than some people. Some people of one race claim that they can smell a person of another race blindfolded and know what race it is. Vaginal odor and taste is a combination of natural secretions, hormonal variations, and menstrual flow. Every woman who has had a yeast infection knows something about the usual balance of flora and fauna (microscopic plants and animals) that live the the vagina, and what happens when acidity, etc., gets out of balance. But in the absence of having your period and any of the many vagina infections, what is left is pure and simple hygiene. If you wash regularly (with bactericidal soap such as Lever 2000 or Safeguard -- not Dial: it's too heavily scented) and douche as often as your OB-GYN MD suggests, you should not have an offensive odor or taste. If you still do, ask your doctor!
P.S. More than one man has told me that there was one lover in his life whose vaginal secretion was absolutely the most powerful aphrodisiac; that he absolutely loved to spend all day performing cunnilingus because of the reward of the taste and smell. AND  more than one woman has told me about driving her man wild while they were in public by moistening the skin behind her ear with liquid from her vagina and having him kiss her there (behind the ear, not on the vagina).

My Girlfriend Refuses

Dear Sex Doc: I am a 23 year-old male and I happen to love oral sex -- both giving and receiving. However, my current girlfriend refuses to perform it on me. My previous girlfriend loved it and I miss it terribly. We've been together for more than two years now and she still will not do this for me. Sexually, it's getting in the way of my fully enjoying myself with her. Please help!

Your choices include getting help from a sex therapist, accepting an oral-less sex life with her, or, if oral sex is that important, finding a more compatible partner.

Emotional, physical, and intellectual compatibilities are never perfect in any relationship. You need to find a middle ground where you can both give and take and be satisfied. Ask her to be specific in identifying her concerns. Possibly there is some part of oral sex you can modify to make it more acceptable to her.

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