This is a special page reserved exclusively for Beth's Members. If you have a question about sex, please read those that preceded you. If you don't find an answer to your question, please click on the link next to the mailbox, below, and let me know what you'd like to know. When you're done, you can link back to Beth's page by clicking on the banner at the top or the bottom.

NOTE:  The Sex Doc is a psychotherapist, not a medical doctor. Questions about medical diagnoses of bodily symptoms cannot be answered ethically by anyone without conducting a physical examination. Please note that sexual preferences and behaviors, such as klismaphilia, psychogenic dyspareunia or erection dysfunction, voyeurism, fetishes, exhibitionism, B&D, S&M, self-pleasuring, bestiality, etc., are all psychological matters, not signs of medical pathology. There are no drugs or surgeries to address those "conditions". In the extreme, when psychotic, psychiatric intervention is the treatment of choice. Short of that, however, psychological matters are the domain of those educated in behavior.

Q:  Dear Doc:
 
I enjoyed reading your Q&As on Beth's site.  Many of your comments have helped tremendously with feelings I have been trying to resolve.
 
I enjoy enemas but not intercourse.  Is there anything wrong with that or is there something wrong with me?
 
B

A:  Dear B,

Absolutely not!!!!!

America is a seriously sexually repressed society, and the damage done by religion, ignorance, and misinformation is amazing!

Unfortunately, there are lots of people who have internalized messages about being disowned, disinherited, or ashamed about numerous aspects of sexuality from masturbation to intercourse, and some of these childhood (and later) messages are really, really entrenched.

Some enemates focus on the "cleansing" aspect of enemas, having internalized the idea that "sex is dirty".  Therefore, the only way they give themselves permission to be sexual is while they are "cleaning out the dirt".  I said, and emphasize, some.

It is important to your health that you achieve at least two orgasms per week, however achieved.  Can you do that?

A:  Women (and men) report that it is the sense of "fullness" along with the intense anal stimulation that makes anal sex enjoyable.  The enema provides the fullness, but if the enema tube is small or unmoved, the anal stimulation itself is absent.  Plus, the enema fluid can rinse away lubrication making movement of the enema tube irritating.  Try a rectal rinse to void fecal contents, then in the shower, a full enema, remove the enema tube/pipe, and with lubricant, anal stimulation simultaneously with clitoral stimulation.  When she has an orgasm she will expel the enema explosively and possibly her knees will buckle.  Let me know what happens.

sexdoc

Incidently, I know both Mom and Grandmother take a weekly enema and hide the proceedure from everyone they know especially the family. They use the large vaginal pipe, as I have in the past, and usually take theirs sitting up on the toilet. I lay on my left side and use my rectal tube. Isn't their proceedure incorrect? For the record, Mom always used the big bag, your standard two quart Faultless, and held me over her lap using a couple of inches of the rectal tip. As I grew, she switched to my being in the bathtub on my back with my legs pulled up to my chest. The bag was suspended about three feet above my rectum by a pair of coathangers hung from the shower rod. To this day, whenever I see a wire coathanger, I think of Mom and the enemas. Was this proceedure OK ?

As far as frequency goes; where do you draw the line between health and obsession. I don't use an enema as a substitute for intercorse with my wife, and she is aware of my use of enemas as a general health aide. But, I find I want an enema sometimes once a month or so for a period of time, usually several months. Then, there is a period of weekly and daily treatments for an interval of a week or two. I've never felt a dependency or seem to have any side affects that are negative, except for the occasional sore rectum when I've had too much fun.

Finally, let's talk about incest. Mother and I have NEVER had any contact except our enemas. Grandmother only gave me a few over the years when we were visiting and again, no other contact or implication at any time. But, during the enema, Mom went out of her way to be very kind and loving. She took what I now know as great liberties with me when she applied the lubricant to my rectum. Massaging my rectum slowly and deeply, she would hit what I later learned was my prostate gland. It was always some time before I was "properly relaxed," and then the enema would take some time as she would give me about a half bag at a time and then refill several times. The proceedure would always take what seemed hours. The explaination was that I needed a "good cleanout." As I look back on it now, I know she was enjoying herself tremendously ! It seemed, though, once I started growing a little hair, she lost interest in me and turned her attentions on the younger children which up untill that time she had only occasionally serviced. There would always be an enema for someone about once a week, the same patern she used when I was small. When I was living on my own some years later and she would visit, I could swear she would go through my closets and drawers looking for what I presumed was my douche bag. Since she couldn't be overt, her luck was always poor, but she did seem to be searching for something.

I've never wanted to have intercorse with Mom. And, I never tried to see her naked, although I have on several occasions as we all have in the course of being a family. Father left us early on, so he was never really in the picture. I've dreamed of her giving me enemas, though, and have risen greatly stimulated. Is this OK ? In truth, although I wouldn't admit it outside this forum, I wouldn't mind Mom's attentions even though I realize it's out of the question. I never really minded them before and since no great physical harm was done, I guess I'm going to be alright. Don't you think ? Is this crazy ? I was forty years old before I faced up to a lot of my feelings. Many of them I had no part in shaping, but nonetheless, I'm responsible because they are "my" feelings. Although I don't suffer the great shame I once did, I still feel "funny" about some things and wonder if I'm going to be O K. What do you think Doctor? I've wanted to share enemas with my wife, but we've never done so as she dosn't share my tastes in that area. However, she has always understood my feelings and I try to not be so overt when I indulge myself.

This, I would guess, is the state of many of your contacts. I appologize for the length of the letter, but, I'm wondering if I'm by myself and would like your feedback, Thank You, B.

A. Dear B.: I have chosen to reprint most of your e-mail word for word because I know that many readers will identify with what you have to say. Many klismaphiles feel that they are the only ones with their "secret" (which is one of the reasons why Beth Tyler's web site is such a contribution to mental health -- she can reassure thousands per day where I can see only a handful per day in therapy). There are lots of people like you. Your mother did not give enemas to you for NO reason -- only one you did not understand. Your father was absent. She probably harbored the conviction that "nice girls don't touch themselves 'down there'". She was consciously or unconsciously hungry for sexual stimulation. What better way to get it than "God, mother, and apple pie" -- ministering to give you a good clean out? What more noble act than to subject herself to your smell and feces while giving you an enema for health reasons (while feeling intensely turned on by stimulating your prostate)? Mom and Grandma were not crazy or molesters -- they were doing what they believed was absolutely their maternal responsibility! And yes, they were "given a good cleaning out" the same way when they were children (although the nozzles were less flexible, the flow was less regulated, and the water was probably cold).

I speculate that your interest in having your mother give you enemas now is really a wish to re-experience the same feelings of being loved unconditionally, being taken care of, and maybe most importantly, being absolved of the responsibility of wanting the enema. If Mom gives it to you, you have to take it (and passively enjoy the prostate stimulation and the erotic feelings from the enema). If you give it to yourself, you have to acknowledge your shame from wanting such a thing. It's OK to feel "funny" about some things, and yes, you're going to be OK (at least in regard to what you wrote).

Most (but not all) people are either anally eroticized to some degree, or they are not. Most of those who are not are perplexed by those who are -- it just doesn't make sense. If you would like to better understand their confusion, imagine that someone told you that they were intensely turned on by having a tongue thrust into their belly button, or from having the top of their head gently caressed (or some other body stimulation that does nothing for you) -- and they couldn't understand why YOU weren't either!!!! (So please accept your wife's lack of enthusiasm, and appreciate her indulgence of yours).

I am fond of telling patients who are anally responsive that they are lucky -- they have one more erogenous zone than most people! If enemas are ONE of the ways you are sexual, it is an addition to your repertoire. If it is the ONLY way you can be sexual, you're limited (there is help).

Q: >I have always fantasised about watching Women push large faeces through their rectums and watching the anus dilating. Also I find watching my wife's anus dilating while passing enemas to be very, very erotic. Also while having anal sex with a my wife, doggie style,I tell her to push out as hard as she can as if to pass faeces, so that I can see some of her faeces on the shaft of my penis. I am very, very embarrased about my very intense feelings. Can you please,please try to explain to me why I am like this? > I am a 46 year old married hetrosexual male > Thank you very much....and please don't publish my name ...IT'S TOO EMBARRASING !!!! > regards....J.S.

A:  Dear JS:  Your question is full of symbolism, and because I know it will be meaningful to a number of readers, I am putting it up on the web page. I am taking the liberty of prefacing this with the comment that those of you who think this is all too far-fetched are welcome to your opinions. The challenge to those of us in the mental health arena is to explain behavior.

I don't accept all of Sigmund Freud's ideas, but what comes to mind here is his observation that there are what he called "psycho-sexual stages" of development: Oral, anal, phallic, latent, and genital. From birth to two years of age the infant communicates orally, but sucking at the breast and by crying. Around 24 months (varies considerably) the child is ready for toilet training, and another interesting event occurs: the ability to have long-term memory. The brain develops neural pathways to store information for later recall. Part of the "terrible two's" is the child's memory of the pleasure of taking in food and of eliminating urine and feces. Couple this now with Mommy (or some other diaper-weary caretaker) bestowing copious praise on the child for "producing on demand", and the infant draws an age appropriate (infantile) conclusion: "Hey -- this stuff must be valuable! Look at all the fuss, attention, praise, I get from producing it for them/her!" Freud suggested that an over-emphasis in any stage will create a life-long "fixation" at that stage. Most folks pass their attention of pleasure from oral (it feels good to eat) to anal (it feels good to control when I defecate) to phallic (my penis or clitoris feels good when stimulated) to latent (the opposite sex is YUCKY!), to genital (focus on erogenous zones). According to Freud, then, fixation takes on adult appearances. Oral fixation is smoking, drinking, thumb-sucking, etc. Anal fixation is being really messy (anal expulsive), or fastidiously obsessive-compulsive (anal retentive).

With that background, then, here might be why you have such intense feelings: Production of feces means value and praise -- If I can get a woman to give up this valuable gift to me it means that I am important. The bigger the fecal bolus (literally "ball") the more valuable. The sign of the arrival of the gift is dilation of the anus ("Here it comes!"). Enemas allow anal dilation on demand. Fecal matter on the shaft of your penis is the overlap between anal and genital (or maybe phallic) psychosexual stages. It is a more material confirmation of the symbolic gift than "just" observing.

In summary, I hypothesize that you were hyper-eroticized as a child around toilet training, that you internalized an inappropriately grandiose value to bowel functions, giving it an immense power to bring pleasure, and that you long to recreate the praise you received for holding or letting go of bowel contents, that you project that value of fecal matter onto "women" (in general), and that you have a primordial recall of intense pleasure around fecal matter and the signal (anal dilation) and sign (feces on your penis). Your own fecal production in the here and now cannot be very satisfying because it happens so often. If every event of sex between you and your wife was doggie style with her leaving some fecal matter on your penis, I hypothesize that it would lose some of its erotic value. I suspect that the embarrassment comes from the realization that this is not "mainstream" -- few erotic videos show what turns you on.

I know that some readers are going to think this is silly. MY fantasy is that I know that there are readers who will not think so.

Three hours after uplinking the above material to the web page, the Sexdoc had a chance to check e-mail to find:

Dear William, Yes, Yes Yes !!!!!!.... What you have written on the web page is so true that that it is amazing!!!!.........I have an extremely good memory of my very early childhood...... My mother would sit me over a potty and make straining noises & tell me to do the same.....When I passed faeces she would heap enormous praise on me & very gently wipe my anus.....My mother would give me enemas have me squat over a potty and watch me expelling !!!!!( I can still picture this clearly...I would have been around three years old !!!)...( I find potties to be very erotic now!!!!) ... My mother would have me bend over and she would gently pull my bottom cheeks apart and rub cream in and around my anus.......I loved this attention....It was so, so good..........Thankyou very,very much for your help...I really appreciate it !!!... You have my permission to put my reply on the web site :) However please do not use my name ......I will answer any questions that you ask me very honestly......Please be careful what you say when you send me e-mail as our [children] have the freedom to check our e-mail...and I don't want to be embarrased.....Thankyou so much again... regards...... :)

Gee, but validation feels good. When you've been doing this for over 30 years, certain generalities emerge. "Over eroticized" can happen in many ways. The long-term recall (memory) that JS has is clearly illustrated. Any reader comments?

A: That is largely a matter of personal taste -- some people are disgusted by such a sight -- but for those who are eroticized by that sight I suspect that it is a combination of the voyeuristic thrill of seeing something private combined with a symbolic identification with the woman -- vicariously feeling what you imagine she must be feeling (anal stimulation). Part of it also is penetration -- a minor invasion of privacy that you're "getting away with". Readers are invited to comment

Assuming that a female sub wanted to have penis/vagina intercourse while receiving a urethral enema, what position would you recommend she be placed in?

A: I am a psychologist, not a medical doctor. I suggest extreme caution (not doing it) because of he possibility of backing urine/urinary enema fluid up into the kidneys. Could cause major organ problems!

The S/M Dom/sub stuff I am familiar with is giving your sub tons of fluids to drink along with diuretics (caffeine, alcohol) then punishing her if she dribbles or pisses prematurely. Doggy style with a full bladder should add pressure/discomfort without being dangerous. p.s. If she's a true sub, who cares whether she wants intercourse or not?

A: For men there is additional pressure on the prostate, and for women there can be indirect pressure on the G-spot, both of which amplifies the sensations of masturbation. In addition, the pleasurable signals from the anus provide a cumulative sensation of pleasure to the brain.

Q: DEAR DOC,

IS IT SAFE TO PENETRATE A GIRL'S VAGINA WITH PENIS OR DILDO WHILE SHE IS HAVING HER ENEMA???? ALSO,MY MOM STARTED GIVING ME ENEMAS SINCE I WAS ABOUT 8YRS OLD.TODAY I AM IN MY 30'S LIVING WITH HER....JUST THE TWO OF US......SHE STILL LIKES TO GIVE ME ENEMAS,AND FINDS ALL KINDS OF REASONS TO ASK ME IF I NEED ONE....SINCE I LOVE ENEMAS,I PRETEND TO BE UNWELL AND LET HER GIVE THEM TO ME....THE PROBLEM IS THAT I GET A HARDON EVERYTIME AND SHE ALWAYS TELLS ME SOMETHING LIKE....'JUNIOR,DO NOT MAKE YOUR TOON TOON BIG WHEN MOMMY IS WITH YOU!!" THEN SHE SORT OF SMILES AND CONTINUES WITH THE ENEMA.SHE NEVER TOUCHES ME OR ME HER,BUT AFTERWARDS WHEN SHE IS CLEANING THE ENEMA IN THE SINK,I TAKE A SHOWER AND MASTERBATE BEHIND HER BACK AND FIND STILL IT EXCITING TO DO SO WITH MOM SO CLOSE TO ME....IS THERE A SILENT SIGNAL FORM MOM THAT SHE KNOWS I GET TURNED ON WITH ENEMAS AND ENCOURAGES IT?....SHE ALWAYS WARNS ME NOT TO GO OUT WITH GIRLS CAUSE OF AIDS AND DISEASES,SO I WONDER IF SHE WANTS TO JERK OFF TO KEEP ME FROM BEING GIRLS HORNEY......TKS

A:  There is nothing unsafe about penetrating a vagina with a penis or dildo during an enema -- the motion could enhance the sensation -- sort of an internal water bed ...

There is what we call a "boundary violation" if your mother is still giving you enemas at the age of 30. Yes, I think she is quite acutely aware of your sexual excitement, and this sounds like symbolic incest. I suggest that you find an enamate your own age and that because your mother seems to be unable to set limits, that you do that. Thank her for her concern but inform her that you are now a grown man and that you can take care of yourself.

Do you think enemas will eventually be recognized openly in american society as having sexual merit? After how many years do you think that might occur?

A:  Well, I'm flattered! Because there is still a stigma around even oral sex, much less anal sex, or even erotic cross-dressing (big yawn), I think that it will be decades before there is comfortable acceptance of essentially anything aside from the (myth of) only "real" sex: penile-vaginal intercourse.

Q: My girlfriend wants to give and receive pee enemas is there any harm from doing this?

A:  Urine is usually sterile and usually contains acids (Uric, excess ascorbic acid [otherwise known as "vitamin C"], etc.). If either of you has an infection, even one you don't know you have, and/or if either of you has a large intestine sensitive to acid, you could cause problems. I suggest saving the golden shower exclusively as a liniment (external use only), and not for internal contact, however internalized (enema or otherwise).

Q: I'm planning to have sex with my dog. Are there any special preparations I should make?

A: If you're the inserter, use a condom because the canine alimentary canal can contain hookworms and other diseases (look up brucellosis) that can pass from dog to man. A dog that either doesn't want to get penetrated or that tires of the game might bite whatever is within "reach" of his mouth.

If you're the insertee, wrap and tape the front and hind claws -- if the dog gets excited he could scratch you badly. Be prepared that if he thrusts when you're not expecting it, or at an odd angle, that it can hurt. Most importantly, however, is the "bulge" or "knot" that swells up at the base of the canine penis. If the dog gets enough of his penis in and the knot swells, you'll find yourselves locked together -- that will last for about a half hour UNLESS the dog gets tired of the "game" and decides to withdraw. If that is a violent maneuver, it can tear your anal tissue and challenge your creativity in the story you tell the doctor.

It probably isn't what you expect! One way or another, watch a half dozen dogs copulating, and you'll discover that the most common behavior is frantic hole-searching thrusts, followed by deeper and deeper intromission for 3-4 thrusts, whereupon the dog comes (while squirting some come all along) and immediately becomes passive in the locked position because the knot at the base of the penis now assures that she isn't going anywhere or that another dog's sperm aren't going to out race his to the egg. If it's anal pleasure you're searching for, a well-instructed lover can be programmed for much better stimulation (and timing).

Any Questions, Comments, or Information anyone else would like to add?

Q:   Why does an enema feel so good and why is it sexual?

A: For many people it is a deeply-seated reminder of receiving an enema pre-pubertally, when it felt confusing, a bit uncomfortable and embarrassing, but very stimulating. Some Freudian psychotherapists would speculate that the sense of mastery and control that came with voluntary control of bowel function is re-enacted on demand by choosing to take the enema. "See how I can hold it? See how I can expel it when I want? Those words proudly announced by the two-year old can also be rehearsed sub-vocally by the enemate. The anus is richly enervated, and being close to the genitals, it is not a quantum leap to feeling pleasure "down there". For some people it is simply an appreciation in the here and now of responsive nerve endings. Some people like a certain degree of stimulation on their nipples, and some have orgasms from spanking alone (massive neurological inputs to the brain); it's highly individualistic. For some people it is related to being accepted in all your aspects, clean and "dirty". Rectal pressure can stimulate the G-spot and the prostate. There are women who absolutely insist that they can tell the differences among orgasms that result from clitoral stimulation, vaginal intercourse, and enemas (and who want one that they have not had recently). In short, there are many reasons, and none for which an enemate should be embarrassed. Enjoy!

A:  This question comes up about once a year. As the psychiatric/psychological community found out after years of trying to "cure" homosexuality, you can't make a homosexual straight, and you can't make a heterosexual homosexual. It doesn't work that way. There are lots of reasons why your boyfriend might be nervous. Remember your first few times? Think of all the questions: will it hurt; do I have to pretend to like it if I don't; will my enemate think I'm repulsively smelly; what if I have an accident -- I'll be mortified in embarrassment; etc. Some guys are just ignorantly macho: Guys do the inserting, women get inserted into. In this idea, a guy who gets inserted, whether by an enema or by an erect penis (or dildo) is feminized, which in the prison system is called "sissified". That is humiliating. If he won't try it to see if he might like it, it's his loss.

Other answers to sex questions can be found on www.sexdoc.com